How do you really know Mr Right?
Your relationship has a good chance of going the distance if....
A quick glance, a friendly smile across a crowded room - some say you’ll know as soon as you clap eyes on him; others say it can take years. But how do you really know he’s Mr. Right? Do you trust your gut instincts, listen to your best friend or mother or do you turn to a psychic for the answers to your destiny?
Sure we all dream of meeting the right person... the one-that we are meant to be with forever. You’ve probably met a few wonderful ones only to find out that they don’t seem so wonderful after all. So how can you really tell if he is truly The One? According to Adrienne Burgess in her book Will You Still Love Him Tomorrow?, most of us want to know whether love will last. "Even when we are swept off our feet, we still think ‘is he good enough?’ or ‘could I really do better?"’ she says. "When the time has proven that the two of you are truly compatible in ways you have always dreamed of, then you can make a serious commitment and start focusing on building a future together,"
There is a lot of false information about relationships out there. "One of the biggest myths is that opposites attract," says Burgess. Just because you have fallen in love with someone doesn’t mean that they are the right one for you".
Whether or not your partner is right for you is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Your entire future depends on these choices. So before you make that ultimate decision of living happily ever after with your prince charming check out the signs that may predict the future of your relationship...
There are good feelings on both sides Does your heart make a somersault flip every time you’re near him or do you have ‘butterflies in your tummy’ whenever you think about him? "Having strong romantic feelings early on in the relationship is a good sign that it will work," says Burgess. So if you feel all fluttery around your man then perhaps he is really the one!
Both of you make equal commitment It’s taken you two weeks to decide he’s worth missing a trip to the beauty salon for and he’d rather spend a romantic evening with you than watching the footie with the boys. But remember sometimes it takes one of you a little longer to make the commitment. However, trying to force him to commit to you is asking for failure. "If your commitment to each other develops at the same time, this is a positive step to everlasting love," says Adrienne. "But if one person pulls back a little, that’s okay initially but that person needs to get back on the path of commitment without the other forcing it to happen."
You both have the same ambitions and outlook in life Do you want the same things in life or is he going to hold you back? Is he willing to let you have that career you dreamed of or does he prefer to have you chained to the kitchen sink? "You and your partner need to know what each of you wants out of life," advices Burgess. "Discuss with each other your dreams, goals, lifestyle, hobbies, finances, desires about having or not having children". Having similar ambitions and goals are crucial in making your relationship go the distance.
Are you on the same communication level? Can you really talk to him about absolutely anything? Does he understand you when you want to discuss something? Being best friends is a strong key to love success. It may not seem so important initially but can you imagine living with someone for the next 50-70 years who you can’t seem to confide in. The frustration of it all would probably kill you, not to mention your love life!
You both share the same values This means you and your loved one have similar attractiveness, popularity, outlook on life, education, job status, religious or family beliefs and all the other ingredients that go into the pot of love. A major part of a successful relationship depends on similar mate-values. "If one person has a higher mate-value than the other, they will surely feel dissatisfied in the relationship," says Burgess. "Similarly those with the lower mate-value will feel insecure and of lesser value forever fearing that their partner will eventually leave them."
You both have common interests There’s no doubt that you have to have something in common with your chosen partner to be able to be with them. Otherwise you’ll have nothing to talk about and nothing to do together. "When two people have different interests, one person usually ends up sacrificing their desires for the other resulting in resentment, or you simply end up living totally separate lives," says Adrienne.
You have similar lifestyles
If you both love dressing up to the nines spending your nights together on the dance-floor or you both prefer to chill out in combats and T-shirt in front of the telly, then your love has a pretty good chance of going the distance. "Love is an adventure and couples who create a lifestyle together that is different to the ones they were raised with can stay together," says Burgess. "But if you get dragged into someone else’s lifestyle, it probably won’t work out". But remember too that it may be a great opportunity to try new things, sticking with the familiar doesn’t always guarantee success in the love stakes.
Your marriage might not last forever if your time together is always stormy Continuous arguments about the same things and feelings of never getting anything resolved are not good signs at all. A stommy relationship can suggest a lack of commitment on one side or major problems with communication. "Having a good fight now and again but not about the same things is fine as long as it is resolved with both partners agreeing on a compromise," says Burgess. "If one feels he’s getting the raw end of the stick and always having to back down, the relationship is heading for disaster."
You met each other while on the rebound This can be a tricky situation as often one or both of you are looking for a new relationship to cover the pain of the previous one. "When we break up with someone and meet another soon after, we often see that person in a better light than they actually are," says Burgess. "We tend to ignore signs that they may be wrong for us as we are feeling vulnerable and lonely. This is a sure way to relationship failure."
Rebounding can be difficult to determine but it’s important that you decide if you really want to be that new person or you’re simply looking for a replacement to ease the pain of a previous breakup.
You’re patiently waiting for your man to change Forget it girls, this just ain’t going to happen! Waiting for him to become something you’re looking for is unfair both to you and him. "Yes people do change," says Burgess, "but not because someone else wants them to." If, for example, he’s the over-possessive type in the beginning of the relationship because perhaps he feels insecure in himself or with you, he’s not going to change overnight just because you decide to marry him. You can however give him ultimatums that he can happily continue to behave the way he does but not while he’s with you. This will give him the chance to decide for himself to change for the better to make the relationship work out.
Your relationship is based on painful love Since when does love have to be painful to be a sign that he’s the one? A love affair full of pain and hurt is not a sign that you’ve finally found something to fight for. It is a sign that the relationship is unstable. Love is meant to make you feel happy and secure not sad. Burgess believes that love that hurts is a sign that one or both partners are suffering from low self-esteem and insecurity. "I know a lot of women who stay with someone simply because they believe that without the other they are nothing," says Burgess.
You’re infatuated by someone Many times we feel a lot of powerful, passionate and positive emotions when we first become attracted to someone which we often mistake for true love. In reality, this can simply be an infatuation with that person. For example, many women may develop a crush on their personal trainers or their teachers. As Burgess explains, "if you’re working in close proximity to each other, the person can suddenly seem very attractive. But be careful as more often than not this initial excitement of the situation can subside and leave you terribly disappointed."
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