LTTE should undertake more federalism study tours

There are many who decry the LTTE’s campaign of travel abroad to study the minutiae of Federalism. The LTTE has been to Oslo, Sweden, Paris in the springtime, and Dublin in the fall. Those who ascribe dirty motives to the LTTE’s bout of Time Travel should ask themselves as to whether in the long run it is not beneficial to the course of our peace process that deep research into the nitty gritty of federalism be undertaken by the LTTE? True, in the long run we may all be dead (as Keynes would have it) but what matters? We would have better federalism, surely!

True also that insofar as the Peace Process is concerned, this LTTE Time Travel and resulting procrastination is the thief not only of time but of a good portion of our sovereignty as well, the UNF Govt. not daring to resist the many incursions on it so as to keep the sacred, Almighty Peace Process intact. What matter? What is Sri Lankan sovereignty compared with the LTTE’s need to probe federalism to its very core? True as well that this LTTE Time Travel and resulting delay in the Peace Process is meanwhile taking the lives of those brave men who worked underground on behalf of the Govt. against the LTTE, and the lives of LTTE opponents, etc. What matter? Isn’t the LTTE’s desire to fine tune Federalism more important than the lives of the country’s unsung, unseen heroes?

Here are a few more travel suggestions that the Govt. and the LTTE should consider in order to make the Almighty, Godlike (or goddam?) Peace Process a resounding success. "For the LTTE?" I hear many whispers in my ear as I say so, but for now just forget about them.

Insofar as the LTTE is concerned, it should seriously consider the following

1) Undertake further Federalism study trips to the Amazon and Congo jungles. There too there are tribes who are clamouring for some kind of autonomy. See what is happening in those parts.

2) Come back and take another trip to the Sahara and Gobi Deserts. There, there are nomadic peoples, Bedouins, Mongolians and various desert tribes. Perhaps they may have got some form of separate recognition from the Central Authorities. Study that too.

3) Return, and visit the Polynesian and Melanesian archipelagoes, and do some island hopping there in search of some Federalist spoor. These islands may be a gold mine for the LTTE’s studies on Federalism.

4) Return to Vanni some months would now have been spent studying Federalism and meanwhile successfully gaining time for the LTTE that being the ideas to fortify further its establishment of ‘de facto’ Eelam Governance. So some wicked patriots who see the writing on the wall and its warnings ignored all this while, keep saying. But another Federal study tour would be useful. Tamilchelvam, Karuna, Balasingham and Co, with the TNA’s Sambanthan and Raviraj in tow as baggage boys to carry their Federal, Confederal, Eelamral and other racist baggage for them, like slaves behind their master should then undertake a trip to the South and North Poles. Antarctica, home of the S. Pole is apportioned among several countries, the UK, US, Russia, Norway etc. For better maintenance and supervision of Antartica, it is possible that these countries are setting up some form of amalgamation or combined administration of this territory. Likewise the N. Pole and its land mass. Study anything and everything there. And return for heaven’s sake, without going into the blizzard (like Oasts of the Scott expedition did), in self sacrifice towards Eelam. Such a sacrifice would give a further jolt to our dear sovereignty-protecting (in his own mysterious, esoteric way) PM Ranil Wickremesinghe and his Almighty Peace Process. God save the PM, GL, Prabha, Tamilchelvam and the Almighty Peace Process!

5) With all those practical, federal-hunting trips under its belt the LTTE should finally undertake a goodly series of Academic probes into the subject. For this purpose, Tamilchelvam and Karuna must enrol at the London School of Economics and read for a Master’s Degree in Federalism and such like. Thereafter, Prabha must ask one of them to go on to a Doctorate in the subject at Oxford, and the other, a D/Phil again, at Cambridge or Yale or Harvard.

Perhaps a course at one of our own universities would not be a bad bet considering that most of them may have to be closed half way for some time, thus ensuring happily for the LTTE a further elapse of time and further delay in peace process. Such academic rounding off of practical studies into Federalism is hence recommended to further (Timewise?) the peace process.

The UNF Govt. can contribute to the LTTE’s ardent pursuit of anything and everything that smells of Federalism by the foll.

1) Provide all travel facilities. SLAF helicopters to take them to and from airport, to and from the Vanni and anywhere else. Top priority for these LTTE travels putting maintenance, wear and tear, and the SLAF’s own military needs into secondary position. No charges to be made, all expenses to be borne by you and me, please.

2) Give them a living and travel allowance outside FR and AR and the Est Code. After all its all for the peace process. (Pardon? That’s only what the LTTE says, is it? Come on, don’t be so disbelieving, the LTTE like our President (Bless her truthful gab) never lies, surely. Take them at their word!)

3) Provide some clothing, a clothes allowance, considering they need to go into the jungles, the deserts and the Poles looking for traces of Federalism. Some banians and fur coats would be in order.

4) A liquor allowance would not be out of place. That ambrosia should cool their bodies after a hard day’s Federal-hunting.

5) Place our media at their disposal to enable them to spew their peace loving propaganda to the world, however distorted.

6) Finally, the PM, GL, Milinda, Jayalath J and Rajitha S. must wait at the VIP Lounge each time our LTTE heroes return and garland and kiss them.

"Prolanka".