Today [March 16] is the anniversary of the first album released by the Rolling Stones. Brimming with raw creativity, the lads called their record The Rolling Stones. It was followed a year later, and this is not a joke, by an album called The Rolling Stones No. 2.

With regard to singles, they showed the same level of creativity, and their first top twenty hit was actually written for them in ten minutes by their arch-rivals the Beatles (also not a joke).

But unlike the Beatles, the Rolling Stones did not split up, and are still touring today (although most medical authorities think they are dead, but just haven’t stopped moving).

The Stones are famous for being the band which started the tradition that pop singers should behave extremely badly and be in constant trouble with the law, a convention followed religiously by modern stars such as Britney Spears, a young American singer also known as Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse.

The Stones are also famous for being very, very old. The name of the band comes from the fact that when they first started playing, all their instruments were carved from stone.

This was in the middle Neolithic period. Many young fans of today are surprised to see the unusually craggy faces of the band members, not realizing that lead singer Mick Jagger is actually a Cro-Magnon man, while the rest of the band are Neanderthals, although Keith Richards is believed by some to be the last surviving member of the genus Australopithecus from the middle Pliocene Era.

Among the highlights of their career is the US concert in 1969 at which they decided to hire a motorbike gang called the Hells Angels to provide security. A fan became rowdy and the guards promptly stabbed and beat him to death. The Stones thereafter returned to using normal security guards.

Then there was the arrest of Keith Richards in Canada in 1977 for being "in possession of a burnt spoon". Said object was decreed by the courts as being highly suspicious and prevented the band getting visas from then on.

Eight worst things about being an aging rock star:

1. Every time you see a pretty groupie, your pacemaker makes the garage door go up.

2. Most of the names in your little black phone book start with the word "Doctor"

3. When buying drugs, the pusher embarrasses you by offering a senior citizen discount.

4. "Getting satisfaction" means you don’t need to take your All-Bran today.

5. The twinkle in your eye is a reflection on your bifocals.

6. You now get more stuff from the legal pharmacist than the illegal one.

7. You spend twice as long in the dressing room to look half as good

8. Instead of the police demanding you slow down, it’s your doctor.

And here’s an official Asian Rolling Stones joke:

Mick Jagger orders a mail order bride from Asia to share his mansion. "She’s only 21," he boasts to Keith Richards.

Keith says, "You’re an old man, Mick. You’d better hire a driver who speaks her language too, otherwise she’ll be bored and lonely."

"Good idea," says Mick.

A year later, Keith and Mick meet up for a concert.

"How’s your mail order bride from Asia?" Keith asks.

"Fine," Mick replies. "She’s pregnant."

"And the driver?"

"She’s pregnant, too."

Boom-boom.

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