Having recently read the very high-handed response from Jean-Pierre Cot, one of the International Independent Group of Eminent Persons (IIGEP), to questions posed by a reporter from a local daily and also seeing what retired Chief Justice of India, P.N. Bhagwati has had to say I feel compelled to rise to the defense of the Motherland (or is it "Fatherland," as per the "Aryan" pronouncements of a late unlamented ruler of World War II Germany?). In this, I find I am in the company of eminent counsel S.L.Gunasekera who could not ever be accused of bigotry, Sinhala chauvinism or any similar sentiment.

Who do these foreigners think they are to question the way we do things in the cradle of Buddhism? After all, we have 2552 years of Sinhala Buddhist Civilization and our recent achievements in good governance to fall back on. (Not to mention a proliferation of kasippu stills that will put the vineyards of M. Cot’s France to shame)

As that gentleman who has adorned the Ministry of Foreign Affairs for too short a time, Dr. Palitha Kohona, said, "we don’t need finger wagging" from anyone, and, as I’d like to add, we particularly don’t need any "Suddhas" (or Indians for that matter) to wag their fingers at us, particularly when they fail to respond appropriately to having an honour such as appointment to the IIGEP by our President bestowed upon them. In case there is any doubt about what might have been considered appropriate responses, they would include, but not be restricted to, groveling and genuflection in a manner similar to that demonstrated by several members of our world-record-size cabinet.

But, I digress because this piece is supposed to contain suggestions as to how our President could replace the ingrates that he so mistakenly appointed. To cut to the chase, here is my suggested list of members of a reconstituted IIGEP, the simple criterion applied being a proven acceptance of and adherence to the brand of democracy practiced by the current Government of Sri Lanka:

Representing Pakistan, General Pervez Musharraf, conditional on his being able to provide Sri Lanka with the blueprint of how to jail and place under house arrest all senior members of the judiciary;

Carrying the standard for Myanmar, three Generals of that country’s choice who should not include any military figures who have been in any manner civil to any of those who were elected (with 80% of the popular vote) to govern that country more than 20 years ago and all of whom have either been jailed, placed under house arrest, gone into exile or been "disappeared;"

From Iran, any members of that country’s secret police who contributed to beating to death Zohra Khazemi when she had the effrontery to take pictures of the jail where political prisoners were held without trial. If there are no volunteers from among the secret police, a person may be chosen from among those who refused to release Ms Khazemi’s body to her immediate family;

In recognition of the democracy that has emerged in Sri Lanka’s eastern region, Mr. Pillayan, on condition that he provides details of how exactly he participated in the landmark, elimination of 600 policemen who had surrendered to the LTTE sometime ago. In the unlikely event that Mr. Pillayan is too bashful to take credit for that act of bravery, it is suggested that "Colonel" Karuna be brought back from Britain and awarded the position;

The President of the Maldives, Mr. Gayoom, should, in view of his demonstrated adherence to democratic practice, be an automatic choice;

In order that the African continent is represented, Mr. Robert Mugabe be persuaded to grace this body with his august presence, particularly since he has demonstrated his adherence to democratic practice by having his chief political opponent, Morgan Tsvangirai, beaten rather badly not so long ago and is currently in the process of avoiding handing over government by having the votes from the recent polls re-counted until such time as they show him to be the victor;

In recognition of the Tiananmen Massacre, a member of the Chinese government, preferably one with a documented recent history of putting down "insurrections" up to and including the recent ruckus in Tibet, must be appointed;

And finally, since it is only fit and fair that the pride of Sri Lanka be represented on this august body, I can think of no more appropriate representative of the current Sri Lankan polity than the renowned Dr. Vermin Silva. If the Government thought that he was an ideal candidate for the Constitutional Commission as he has allegedly confided to a gullible reporter on the usual condition of anonymity, it is only reasonable that he be appointed to this body as it appears that the highest among us think he is a very "eminent" person and one above the law of the land.

This group of people, in keeping with recent Sri Lankan tradition, shall be designated as the International Independent Group of Even More Eminent Persons (IIGEMEP) and will be entitled to a 20% share of any business that they may succeed in generating in the pursuance of their responsibilities.

I trust that, by adopting this approach to dealing with an attempt to embarrass the Greatest Country in The World (GCITW), we will have put all Foul Canards (FCs) to rest and that our being the greatest democracy in the world will have been proven beyond any reasonable doubt.