What follows is not meant to come across as tongue-in-cheek comment on how to deal with corruption and incompetence but a (half-) serious attempt to develop a methodology to deal with a set of circumstances that are so damaging to the economic and cultural life of this country. While this composition might come across as a "rural perspective" given where it is being written, might I suggest that it might bear broader application?

A close study of a local government entity of which I have had extensive experience over the past two years has led me to propose a set of steps that I believe cannot but help in an effort to reduce, very significantly, the damage that the status quo is doing to the nation in general and to my little corner of it in particular.

The government regularly commits to employing large numbers of unemployed youth, irrespective of whether there is anything for these individuals to do. Since this is now a practice graven in the stone of governance in Sri Lanka, irrespective of which party is in power, I am about to suggest a set of simple steps to alleviate, if not solve, the problems stemming from this reality. I believe that one of the advantages of my proposal is that it is modelled on the social organization of the beehive, something often held out as a model for the human race.

For starters, one needs to determine how many positions actually exist and draw lots to fill them. In the alternative, the pool may be divided, on a volunteer basis, into those who wish to work and those who only want the prestige and salary that goes with "a government job." Send those who do not wish to work, in the traditional sense, home, paying them the wages and benefits that they would be entitled to if they had to report to a place of employment. In one fell swoop, the government will have lived up to its election promise of "jobs, jobs, jobs," while saving on the provision of office space, desks, etc. etc. for these individuals. It would also have avoided cluttering up workplaces with bored individuals who had no intention of doing any real work but who, if they were in an office or some such similar location would be an obstruction and nuisance to those interested in actually working. Everyone would be left happy, both the workers and the drones.

You ask how one deals with promotions, mandatory training, salary increases and the rest of the elements of an employee’s existence? Treat those who have opted to go home (the drones) much as one would external students in an educational institution: provide them with all that is necessary for them to stay home and advance their knowledge of the workplace, periodic "orientation" visits to places of work occupied by their worker compatriots, promotional examinations etc. This way they can feel part of the team while not, in any way, impeding the workers’ progress. There might be an additional bonus to this arrangement: the "drones" may well engage in work outside that for which they’ve already applied (and are being paid), thereby increasing their productivity in a very real sense.

An arrangement of this nature would also take the pressure off the transport of people, saving fossil fuel in an era that has seen skyrocketing fuel prices.

It will also reduce the stress levels of those saved the agony of riding public transport to and from work every day, particularly if they did not look forward to a day of drinking tea/coffee, reading the newspaper or otherwise whiling away the time. A significant improvement in the mental health of a large number of Sri Lankans might, reasonably, be anticipated under this arrangement.

Some of the savings from the proposed arrangement can be used to increase the salaries and perks of the work force, both those who come to work and those who don’t. After all, don’t the drones contribute to this idyllic situation, too? If this results in unrest among private sector company employees who get left behind in the wage race, the government could subsidize such companies, ensuring that only those prepared to provide unconditional support to the government of the day receive such subsidies. This will, effectively, weed out all those businesses likely to support opposition parties with financial donations etc. This, in turn, will have the effect of ensuring one party government and herald what so many in Sri Lanka’s business community have been clamouring for – a National Government with no opposition.

At budget time, all the funds that are still unexpended after this scheme is put into operation can be divided on a per capita basis among all the MP’s. They may do whatever they please with this money and, even though the expectation may be that they will develop their constituencies, they will not be required to account for these funds. This will ensure that MPs and Ministers will not solicit or receive bribes because they will have all the loose cash in the country and no one will have the money with which to bribe them. Once elected, Members of Parliament will not be accountable to anyone, not even to the law of the land. This will recognize the current reality of Sri Lanka and reduce the incidence of mass hypocrisy significantly, something most therapeutic for the national psyche.

Old Pachyderm