Having talked to them, I now realize that one can receive the same level of excitement and job satisfaction by simply staking oneself to the ground next to a large sign saying: "Human Trampoline. Have a go. Wear spiked shoes if you like."

Billionaires are tough to work for. They make you slave 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but if you are lucky, you get a reward: you are allowed to live.

One of the biggest problems is that none of them speak English. They speak their own language, called Tycoonese. Anyone who is thinking of going to work for a business mogul will need this useful phrasebook:

Tycoonese: We have a small problem. Translation: You have a huge problem.

Tycoonese: I want you to revise some paperwork. Translation: I need you to set up a massive network of nominee companies to hide something.

Tycoonese: I want you to be flexible in your thinking. Translation: Now switch off your conscience and put it in the bin.

Tycoonese: You’ll adjust to my style of working very quickly. Translation: I own you.

Tycoonese: We always go by the book. Translation: We have lawyers looking for loopholes on a full-time basis.

Tycoonese: Our business is going through a paradigm shift. Translation: We need to hide some mistakes and launder some money.

Tycoonese: I want to emphasize that we value ethics above everything. Translation: I am talking rubbish to get it out of the way so that we move on to some rule-bending.

Tycoonese: What I prize most is our reputation. Translation: What I prize most is not getting caught.

Tycoonese: As you know, our company name is a byword for being above reproach. Translation: Amazingly, no one has caught us yet.

Tycoonese: I want you to feel you can say anything to me. Translation: I want you to feel you can say anything to me as long as it is exactly what I want to hear.

Tycoonese: My staff are intensely loyal to me. Translation: My staff are terrified of me.

Tycoonese: I have gone beyond the stage where making money is the key aim. Translation: We both know I am talking rubbish, but you would be wise to nod anyway.

Tycoonese: Let’s put on our marketing hats. Translation: I need you to sell some toxic investments.

Tycoonese: I’d like your buy-in on this. Translation: I need someone to blame if this goes belly-up and you have been chosen.

Tycoonese: You should have been more pro-active. Translation: I have decided to blame you for my bad decisions.

Tycoonese: We are going to leverage our resources. Translation: You will be doing the work of six from now on.

Tycoonese: I want you to interpret the financial model for me. Translation: I can’t use Excel.

I asked a money-manager friend who works for one of Asia’s richest (as in "most unpleasant") men how he coped with it.

He said: "It’s very stressful, but there’s one Tycoonese phrase I really like: ‘I put a little something extra in your paypacket.’ The word ‘little’ is Tycoonese for ‘massive’."

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