‘Loketa parakaasay’ and ‘gedarata maragaathey’ or ‘boast to the world and suffer at home’ is a common saying in Sinhala. Even a child has heard it. This is most applicable to wedding ceremonies in this country.

A wedding in Sri Lanka is not a wedding at all. According to the Oxford dictionary, a wedding takes place when man takes woman promising to look after her as husband when she becomes a wife. But no girl or boy, who is legally married according to the laws of the land, will admit that she or he is married until perhaps a year later when all the friends and relations are invited to a hotel (no more magul gedara but magul hotel) to be fed and entertained as lavishly as possible.

A wedding ceremony at a small hotel or hall is considered a shame in this land. Even though there is a big drop in tourist arrivals, the hotel industry is kept going, thanks to the income generated by regular weddings.

If it is a good hotel in Colombo, for the hall and catering alone the usual charge (just verified on the phone) is Rs. 3,100/- per guest plus VAT which makes it 4,200/-. Even if the number of guests is limited to 250 it will be in the region of a million rupees. This is minus the band, decorations, liquor, video recording, etc.

At a suburban hotel, the expenses will be about half that amount.

The above figures are only for one day. Then comes the homecoming. When the bridegroom holds the reception for the homecoming ceremony, he should spend as much as the amount spent by the bride’s parents. If not, the relatives will say, "chee, hopeless husband, no?"

The guests know the expenses incurred at the hotel. So they must give cash gifts to cover at least what they eat and drink. In Colombo, a gift of Rs. 5,000/- is considered a shame because it does not cover the hotel expenses of two invitees (a married couple). If the children are also taken to the wedding or to the homecoming it will be ‘athin paadu’ for the bride and bridegroom’s parents. When a couple is invited in this country, sometimes even the ‘ayah’ has to be taken with the baby!

Even a village lass, who gets married today, must spend about Rs. 25,000/- or more only for the hair-do and the dolling up. The bridal attire is another fortune. Dressing -up a bride is big business today. The village bridegroom usually hires his wedding suit, even the shirt and tie and shoes. That is more economical because he will never wear such western attire ever again once he gets back to his village life.

When people are so poor in Sri Lanka how do they manage? They don’t manage, they get poorer by mortgaging the only piece of land they possess.

The minimum cash gift at a village wedding is Rs. 2,000/-. A gift of anything less will be the talk of the villagers the next day.

I know one family that weeps every time they get a wedding invitation. They can’t find the money to put into that envelope!