As a child, father’s ‘Little Angel’ plays with her little dolly along with her daddy. Both are surrounded by pots and pans. Both, father and daughter, enjoy their few play hours with toys but as time passes by the little daughter transforms into a beautiful adolescent.

The two, one-time friends become strangers to each other. For a daughter, the change in her dear father’s attitude, her former playmate, is unbearable and for a son, the guidance of a mother as a teenager, brings distress.

Daddy now fusses about their actions as young adolescents and yells at their little rebellions. They wonder, whether they have changed for daddy to be so different or whether it is harmful to rebel. They cannot concentrate on their studies and fear very much about society and their parents. This causes psychological distress and ultimately some of these bright students drop out of school.

This problem is not only peculiar to Sri Lanka and all over the world adolescents are facing the same problem along with their parents and society.

According to the National Child Protection Authority (NCPA), teenagers in Sri Lanka are facing socio-psychological problems due to various social factors. The child protection body warned that both family and society should play an active role in solving the current crisis and should also soften their attitudes towards their young children.

Please don’t force me to fit in…

According to NCPA chairman, Jagath Wellawatta, teenagers all over the world are craving for the attention of their parents and fight to fit into society.

Everywhere, when children enter their adolescence they undergo different hormonal and psychological changes. They do battle to adjust to society. Sometimes they are cornered by society and even by their families for their mistakes.

"We are humans, so it is natural for any individual to make a mistake, but, parents should not corner the child," he said.

Wellawatta explained that the main reason for adolescents to be left out by both family and society is because of the cultural and class barriers prevalent in Sri Lankan and other societies.

For a teenager, the culture he or she lives in is very important. However, the same culture that teaches good and bad to the child becomes the bitter enemy of the teenager.

"Culture creates a barrier for teenagers, blocking their emotions. The class structure and religion are some of the challenges that young individuals have to bypass in their teenage years," Wellawatta said.

More than the religious perspective, the class structure has become a huge burden for teenagers, especially in Sri Lanka. The different attitudes of each segment of society involve varied lifestyles.

"There are some instances where children belonging to a lower class would try to fit into society. But society itself throws that teenager out and he or she would be frustrated and become disobedient."

He explained that some children, who are in the poverty line and study at popular schools, would immediately try their utmost endeavor to fit into the class structure where majority of students comes from.

These students would plead to their parents to purchase trendy accessories and clothes. "Unfortunately, parents refuse and do not give the real picture to the adolescent. They are young people and have the mind of an adult. However, parents give philosophical explanations to the child and create a rift between them."

Senior paediatrician and former head, Child Protection Authority, Prof. Harendra de Silva, explained that children when they reach adolescence go through major hormonal changes. Abuse of different kinds has resulted in rebellious attitudes among teenagers.

‘Please help me Mummy…Daddy…’

As a child grows and enters adolescence, sometimes the relationship between the child and its parents is torn apart. In the eyes of the teenager, parents are treating them like babies and keep on fussing about their changing attitudes.

Meanwhile, from the parent’s point of view, the time has come for them to over-protect their ‘Little Angel’ from the monstrous society which is waiting for their child to make a mistake.

"When a child is involved in a love affair, the immediate reaction of parents is to shout at the child or to punish him or her as if they have committed a grave crime; even teachers do the same", Wellawatta said.

He explained that first parents should explain to their child the consequences and build a cordial relationship, without shouting at the child.

Teenagers in Sri Lanka and also in South Asia fear their parents when they reach the age of adolescence. Wellawatte noted that this is mainly due to the attitudes of parents and society.

"We force our children to anticipate actions by us that are not good for the child because they presume their parents would always go according to society. We should not allow society to destroy our children."

He added that as children enter their teenage years, they tend to become more reserved, but parents sometimes take the silence as an act of stubbornness or take it for granted and do not talk to the child.

According to him, many teenagers are eagerly waiting to talk to their parents about their day-to-day activities.

"Many parents close the communication bridge when the child becomes a teenager, fathers would speak less to their daughters. Parents should somehow create a communication bridge with their teenagers to reduce the psycho-social problems faced by teenagers," he added.

Another problem teenagers are facing is when his or her mother goes abroad for work, "these children are specially craving for attention from someone when their parents are not there. They are dreaming for attention."

He added that in many incidents, when a mother goes abroad, the teenager lives with his or her father and if the father does not give sufficient attention to the child, the possibility of the child going astray is much higher.

Make our child happy

NCPA warned that if school children are not given adequate psychological treatment, if they are facing abuse and mistreatment at home and in school, they might commit suicide or become harmful to society.

Dr. Harendra de Silva explained that a child facing abuse in school will refuse to go to school or even drop out and will not perform well in school.

A child harassed at home or even in school will be boisterous, try to run away from school or home or lose their temper at parents or teachers.

"There should be specialized counselling for these types of children. Unfortunately, we have very few specialized counsellors who are conversant in different types of child abuse."

He also said that the whole country will need more than 9000 counsellors. Meanwhile, Wellawatta added that teenagers do not trust their teachers since the child fears the teachers would tell their secrets to other teachers.

"We are trying to create an environment for the child to feel secure, especially for teenagers. We have to develop communication as a tool to speak to teenagers."

The NCPA along with Ministry of Health has begun a counselling programme for teenagers. It also hopes to train teachers and parents to improve their communication with their teenagers.