More on "Bahubhaarya Vivaahaya……"
After reading Upali Jayatissa’s letter appearing in the Island of 19.5.09, I thought of submitting a few more inputs on the above subject.
Polygamy is of two types. One is polygyny – a man marries more than one woman.The other is polyandry – a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, the former is neither encouraged nor prohibited. It is allowed under very strict conditions. The latter is completely prohibited in Islam.
The advantages of polygamy are
A man need not patronise the brothels masquerading as massage parlours.
No need to have extra-marital affairs or secret promiscuous connection, girl friends, etc
It solves the problem of women outnumbering men.
Modesty of women is preserved, as their position is not that of a mistress.
In general, men are polygamous in nature while women are not.
There are important conditions to be fulfilled when a man has several wives. He has to be neutral in outward treatments such as providing food, clothing and accommodation. Companionship with wives must be equally divided. Control of mind is in the hands of Allah and so man is not guilty, if his mind naturally turns to one wife, but he should treat equally all his wives regarding residence and company .
Even in the Holy Quran it is said that "You can never be equitable in dealing with more than one wife, no matter how hard you try. Therefore, do not be so biased as to leave one of them hanging (neither enjoying marriage, nor left to marry someone else). If you correct this situation and maintain righteousness, Allah is Forgiver, Most Merciful. (Surah Nisa – Verse 129)
Ayesha (one of Prophet’s wives) reported that Prophet (pbuh) used to take turns among his wives and do justice. He used to say : O Allah ! this is my division in what I can control. So don’t blame me in what Thou dost control about what I cannot control. (Tirmidhi, Abu Daud, Ibn Majah – Authentic books of Prophet’s quotes)
As regards selecting a bride, Ma’qal b Yasar, a companion of Prophet, reported that Prophet (pbuh) said, "Marry such women as are affectionate, child-producing and verily I shall be an instrument of increasing the numbers among the nations."
He also recommended that one should marry virgin as indicated in the following Hadees (saying of the Prophet) It was narrated by Jabir bin ‘Abdullah( a companion of the Prophet): We were with the Prophet in Ghazwa, and when we returned and approached Medina, I wanted to hurry while riding a slow camel. A rider overtook me and pricked my camel with a spear which he had, whereupon my camel started running as fast as any other fast camel you may see. I looked back, and behold, the rider was Allah’s Apostle . I said, "O Allah’s Apostle! I am newly married " He asked, "Have you got married?" I replied, "Yes." He said, "A virgin or a matron?" I replied, "(Not a virgin) but a matron" He said, "Why didn’t you marry a young girl so that you could play with her and she with you?" When we reached (near Medina) and were going to enter it, the Prophet said, "Wait till you enter your home early in the night so that the lady whose hair is unkempt may comb her hair and that the lady whose husband has been away may shave her pubic hair." (Sahih Bukhari – one of the authentic books of Prophet’s quotes)
Subequent to publication of my previous article on the above subject, I got calls, SMSs" and e-mails from my friends and relatives, asking me, why I decided to write on polygamy, why I’m promoting polygamy, whether I’ve become a polygamist, and I even got a call from Riyadh from a good grind of mine whether I’m intending to go for a second marriage!! To all of them, I would like to say that I have to be a monogamist because I’m married to a cousin of mine who will not allow me to become a bigamist and to become a quadrigamist is out the of the question!! :-)