Crime has its say at Politi-Pola

The upcoming elections to the three provincial councils have opened a new trend in politics - that of Tikka Politics.

It is the time of the "Poli- tikkas", the day of the aspirants to political success at the national level in the future; beginning at the provincial level, with the new opportunities in three provinces.

The past weeks have seen great excitement among the Poli-tikkas of various hues, symbols and slogans; the rising stars of future politics, often confused in thinking but with the common purpose of  fooling the voters and moving ahead on their shoulders.  The Politi-tikkas have already learnt much of how to mislead the voters, the skill of making false promises, the sinister means of dividing people on caste, community, religion and any available differences. Their lessons have come from the seniors or "Poli-lokkas" who have gone before them, mostly from the same families.   

But the new concerns about rising crime in the country, the near wave of rapes and molesting of young girls, the increased frequency of murders, the rising trend of robbing ancient shrines and even the National Museum for treasures, none of which we are assured make up for a rising wave of crime, have caused problems for the Poli-tikkas in reaching the starting blocks of their race to future power and wealth through provincial elections.

They were all running hither and thither, with expectations seemingly crashed, uncertain of what the future would hold and if they would ever be able to get on to the bandwagon of political success, with whatever political party. This was because of the new worry about crime among the people, and blame being lavishly passed on to their mentors, the Poli-lokkas, and the "Tikkas" who have flourished in crimes of diverse and heinous types,  

The worst blow came when political parties were forced into taking decisions, well publicized, that no one who had been accused, arrested or charged with any of this recent rash of crimes would be considered for nomination at the coming polls.  Some of the key Poli-lokkas soon formed a cross-party alliance to work out a solution to these budding Poli-tikkas whose future was under threat by this new thinking on despicable crime. "Maha Lokkas" and "Loku Lokkas" with considerable experience in winning elections and hoodwinking the people were all present, irrespective of the colour of their politics at these cross-party confabs, because the threat was common to all new Poli-tikkas.

And that is how the "Politi-Pola" was born. It was like a local Sal-pila or a fair. The purpose was to select the best candidates from among the Poli-tikkas, who had all the qualifications to be politicians of today and the future, but lacked the stigma of present suspicion, arrest or charge of the rising crimes of today. It as well organized with stalls for each of the well recognized crimes and some of the lesser ones, too.

With not much time left for nominations to close for the PC polls, there were large numbers of prospective Poli-Tikkas present at the Politi-Pola at each district. There were queues at the stalls from early morning.  Some hopeful Poli-tikkas came with their more experienced political parents; others came with uncles and aunts, still others with political patrons.  

The longest queues were at the "Lama Apachaara" (Child Molesting) stalls. "Sthree Dooshana" (Rape), "Nidhan Vasthu" (Buried Treasures), Minis Ghathana" (Murder) and "Vancha" (Cheating) were some of the other crowded stalls. 

The interview and screening process to weed out the unwanted and select the best Poli-tikkas for election was very interesting. I watched the action at the "Lama Apachaara" (Child Molesting) stall. An obviously nervous young man came to the desk. His parents stayed behind. "What are your qualifications to stand for election" he was asked.  "I have no qualifications, I mean not from any school" he almost shouted.

"No, no that is not what we want to know. Why have you come to this stall? What about your experience in Lama Apachaara. Any qualifications in this area?"

"What do you mean - do you want to know whether I can molest children?"

"No. No. What we want to know is whether you have ever been caught with your pants or her jungies down. Have you ever been arrested, charged or even been a suspect in a child molesting case?"

"No, never. I know how to do it without getting caught. There, my father who is standing behind has been in politics for a long time, has taught me the tricks, He is very experienced".

"Good. Do you think that if you get elected, you will be able to continue with child molesting without getting caught?"

"Of course. It will be very much easier then. I will have the police on my side. All the Poli-lokkas will also support me. I will have a readymade political screen for protection".

The problem for those doing the screening was how to eliminate the would-be candidates. Almost all of them had no charges against them, but they had committed the offence. Well experienced. They had done it in private and public. Most of them had been protected by political parents or patrons. I did not envy their task.

The situation at the "Sthree Dooshana" (Rape) stall was not much different. Almost all the would-be Poli-tikkas there said they were very experienced and adept at rape. Some confessed to preference for young women, others admitted to liking  older women, some others said they did not care two hoots about age, they were ready for rape of anyone at any time, and had done it many times too.’

"We don’t want to know whether you can rape or not. Tell us whether you have been arrested, charged with or suspected by the police of rape. That is all".

"Never; how can that happen? Look at all those supporters behind me. Can’t you see the big policeman in the area also there? I have uncles and aunts in politics, how can I be arrested. I come from a family of politicians. Who would dare to touch a person with such strengths?"

"Do you think you will want to continue with rape if you are elected?"

"Why not; what about all the experience I already have? I must add to it. And, there is nothing to fear once I am elected. Very soon I will move from being a Poli-tikka to a Poli-lokka. I’m sure of the protection of the police, the Grama Niladhari, and all the flag waving supporters of our party, and many officials too. I can also call other Poli-tikkas and Poli-lokkas to share in the fun. Don’t worry I have no fear of being caught, and you don’t have to fear about that either. What I need is better political opportunity for more frequent rape.

From the nods of those doing the screening, it seemed they had found an ideal Poli-tikka for the election.

There was quite a crowd of hopeful Poli-tikkas at the "Nidhan Vasthu" (Buried Treasure) stall too. From what we saw, almost all hopeful candidates had much experience in digging shines for buried treasures.

"Do you think I could have wanted to enter politics if I did not have such experience?" one hopeful candidate shot back at his screening politician.

"But have you been arrested, charged or suspected of this offence?"

"Come on, what a foolish question. You are a Poli-lokka; you must know the protection given to us for this important work. Haven’t you heard of that learned monk who said that sacred treasures should not be kept under the earth, but should be dug out? That is what we do, and we have all the necessary protection for it."

"Will you continue this work if elected?"

"Why not? Election will be an endorsement of my earlier work.  There are many of us Poli-tikkas waiting for the chance of election, so that digging for treasures will be much easier. We can then have more hope of striking fortunes at museums, too."

The screening at the Politi-Pola was going on throughout the day. It was the same story at all he stalls. "Minis Ghathana" (Murder) and "Vancha" (Cheating) too had great numbers at the stalls. The "Vancha" stall had many women aspirants. I left with the conviction that whatever happened, we are bound to have people   who are well experienced in all vices and crimes elected to the three provincial councils, who will bring take these crime to greater heights of success.

All I could do was say hooray to elective democracy.

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